I’m not gonna lie. November 1 is a happy day for me, even if it’s a rainy, dreary day.  Halloween is behind me.  I’m just not a fan.  I don’t like being scared.  I don’t like anything to do with horror movies.  I especially don’t like clowns.

Coulrophobia is real!  Look it up, folks!

This is not a funny ‘fear of clowns’.  This is a ‘I will have a breakdown and hide in a corner’ fear.  I have had this since I was a toddler.  This girl does not go to the circus, or want to be involved with anything clowns.   Anytime I’m near clowns with my hunka hunka, I always put him closer to the clowns.  I can’t look directly at them, especially eye to eye.  My hands start sweating, my heart is racing, and I’m near tears.  No joke.  Not a laughing matter at all.   I see people on Facebook posting and tagging others who are afraid of clowns at their expense.  Please don’t ever do that to me or that will be automatic deletion as a Facebook friend!  Just sayin’.  No joke.

This year in my work area was a super large scary clown.  Scarier than Pennywise.  My only saving grace was I could only see it if I looked that direction.  Like it is, for real,  hanging on the office RIGHT NEXT TO MINE!

I do have a funny story about a clown situation though.  Well..not funny at the time, let’s just say.  I seriously wish I had pictures from that because when I look back at this particular incident, all I can do is laugh.

So my hunka hunka and I were just dating at this time many moons ago.  Our youngest was only 5.  My place of employment was having a Christmas party where Santa would be there for the little ones and get a toy.  It was a big deal.   Cookies, Santa, and presents are very important to a kiddo.

Robert, Kyle, and I arrive.  Things are going well…and then all of a sudden a batch of clowns showed.  Nobody told me there would be clowns.  I’m freaking out a little on the inside.  Robert wasn’t totally aware of how serious I was about my fear of clowns.  He found out pretty fast that day.  Clowns, please don’t come near me or talk to me.

After Kyle visited Santa, we sat in the floor to play with his toy.  Someone leans over and makes a suggestive comment, and I knew it wasn’t Robert.   I look up and it’s a clown.  I tried to not break down and cry in front of Kyle and my coworkers.  I find Robert and tell him what happened.   I’m fighting tears because of this clown and worried about where he was and if he was coming back to talk to me.

Robert finds the clown and puts his arm around him  He gives a nice somewhat gentle ‘squeeze’ to his neck and said that I was his girlfriend he was just hitting on.   Actually it was more of hitting a pressure point on the clown’s neck and holding him in that position so he couldn’t move.

Rest of the time there I’m cautious of any of the clowns, but especially that one.

THIS IS WHY I DON’T LIKE CLOWNS!! You don’t know who is behind the make-up.

As we were leaving the event, that particular clown gave Kyle the biggest balloon display I have ever seen.  It was a giant palm tree with a monkey and bananas.  Insanely huge. We liked to have never fit it in the car.   I think it was the clown’s way of apologizing for the mishap.  I don’t know; I just know I was ready to go!

I told Robert after the fact that I was glad the incident remained calm and uneventful.  I could read the headlines on the front page paper the next day, “Local martial artist attacks clown at Christmas party full of little kids.  News at 11.”

It was quite the story at work about this incident the following week.  Word spread like wildfire.    I did receive an apology from the group who supplied the clowns.  One of my coworkers even brought me a copy of Wall Street Journal where someone wrote an article about fear of clowns.  It’s an epidemic.  I’m telling you, folks!  🙂

I’m not a fan of Halloween…and I am glad it’s over.  I have a year now before I have to worry about this day again.   All you crazy people who love Halloween can have it all to yourselves.  More for you…

If there were a Grinch at Halloween like there is at Christmas, I’m sure it would be me.

Until next time…  Peace out, trout!