Twas the Night…

I write this in the late afternoon of Christmas Eve. One thing that is very much in common with my hunka hunka and I from day one is our families celebrate everything on Christmas Eve. Then Christmas Day is just the two of us to relax. I thought about waiting to write this blog tomorrow at the close of Christmas, but my heart tells me to write now, even if nobody reads it.

A couple weeks ago I deleted Facebook from my phone. It became a distraction, rather than enjoyable. I added it back for Christmas in case there was a picture or two I wanted to post…and I did…because I seriously received the best gift ever. It was a pair of socks of my two favorite people: my hunka hunka and Gracie Mae.

Who doesn’t love presents? They are fun to open. My favorite presents are the ones that required thought from those who know me well. The socks will be tough to top. But I also received a daily calendar of Trumpisms to give me a laugh all year long. I got some adorable racing pugs, and a solar powered leg lamp from A Christmas Story.

My hunka hunka gave me the most special gift ever. No…I’m not sharing. Yes…I’m being secretive. It’s special. All I can say is he gave me a piece of my mom. It just doesn’t get better than that! I won’t reveal what it is, but I am not ashamed to say I hadn’t cried that hard since her funeral over two years ago. Maybe it was something I needed and he gave it to without realizing.

Grief comes in waves. I knew Christmas was approaching so I braced myself. However, sometimes a wave comes fast and hard. It knocks you off your feet. Trust me…this girl has a fear of drowning so I struggle with a big wave. I know other motherless daughters can relate. If you do not have someone pull you out of the large wave, you will utterly drown. Last night my hunka hunka pulled me out when the big one slammed me. I cried admirable tears of joy and loss, all at once. It was that special.

This blog isn’t about my gifts or about my grief. God knows I could write volumes about that. This blog is about Christmas and the gift of giving. Moma had the most giving heart to everyone. She saw a need and gave everything to folks, no matter her suffering. Why can’t I be more like that? Why can’t YOU be more like that? Christmas isn’t about what you get; it’s what you give and who you give to. I don’t mean in presents form; I mean in time. Who are you spending time with? Who did you feel you didn’t have time to see because you were too busy or you already had other houses to visit, or maybe even avoided?

Holidays can make us crazy. Trust me. I’m not a fan. Sometimes it’s more stressful than it’s worth. I say that all the dang time. Maybe it’s because of the losses I have endured. But when the holiday rolls around, I look back and think how wonderful it was. I remember Christmas 2007. All of us were at my parents’ house, including my lifelong friend and her family. I don’t recall that EVER happening. Miranda suggested a family picture. We were all a tad reluctant, but she ‘forced’ us. That picture was a moment captured in time. That would be last Christmas all of us would ever be together. Only 48 days later, Chubs would leave us and go to Heaven first. Then 9.5 years after that, Moma would join her baby boy.

Christmases are hard for me. I don’t have the daily phone calls with Moma sharing the joy of receiving Christmas cards. I don’t understand the stress when people complain who they have to spend the day with because I know who I have to spend my Christmas without, and it sucks! I don’t have a choice in this matter. I can’t visit them in Heaven and they can’t visit me in human form.

Look around at who all you spend your holidays with and be blessed. Only God knows who may not be around next year. We often take these moments for granted, and then we are left with regret. Cherish the moments. Moments are memories!

I counted my Christmas cards a few minutes since today was the last day for my contest with my mom. I received 39. I think I would have beat her this year. That thought brings a tear to my eye. Tomorrow I’ll take down the tree and close out Christmas for this year.

Tonight as I await the start of the greatest Christmas movie ever, A Christmas Story, While my hunka hunka naps, I’ll snuggle with my Gracie Mae, read from the book my lifelong friend gave me, and drink coffee from the mug a dear friend gave me in honor of my mom and brother, because she knows I love cardinals so much. As Clarence once said, “Remember no man is a failure who has friends.”

Merry Christmas, my amazing blog friends! Peace out, Trout!

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