Onward, Soldier

Last fall I wrote about seasons of change and how leaves die off, only to reproduce new growth in the spring. Well..here it is now spring. The last few months have been even tougher than the few months prior, but my new leaves are starting to sprout. Beautiful trees are blooming.

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That may be metaphorically odd to say, but I cannot help but compare myself to nature. When new beginnings occur, people often say they are starting a new chapter. Not me…I’m starting a brand new book. I’m sprouting new blooms in a newly planted tree. I am finishing up the last chapter of this book I have been a part of for 17+ years. There were some amazing chapters. I had adventures in life I never imagined I could experience. I also had some very dark chapters, one in particular, that I wish I could forget.

I think of the movie, Butterfly Effect. Oddly, I never watched the entire movie as I turned it off right at the dog scene. I couldn’t handle that part, but I understood the jest of the film. I reference that terminology a lot. Many say “I wish this…” or “I wish that…” However, if there was even the slightest change in the past, it would cause a butterfly effect with no guarantee of where your life would be today.

My beautiful eastern swallowtail I captured on a run

Regrets are things we didn’t do, not the things we did. I don’t regret my past as it has brought me to where I am right now. The challenging moments shaped me into the person I am today. I get my strength, perseverance, and tenacity from my parents. Today I am seeing a bigger and brighter future. Is it perfect? No way. Are there still challenges ahead? Absolutely so. I’m marching forward with eyes wide open.

I have had some tough times lately. At times, I felt the walls were caving in, but I have never given up. So often I wished for my mom to be here. I just wanted to climb in her lap and let her pray my troubles away. My sweet mom had this magical way of making everything better. But I didn’t have her. I had to do this on my own. One thing my mom taught me from day one was to make things happen yourself. I had to grow up at an early age and learn to take care of myself. I have been doing this for a long time.

As I close out this blog on a Sunday morning while drinking my morning coffee, I reflect on the life I have lived thus far. I’m proud of where I am and how I have made it. I’m proud of what my future holds. I was just told this week by someone who was a huge part of my past, “All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

Today…I’m finding my happy. This little soldier in me is packing up and carrying on. I am a product of my past. My tree will soon be deeply rooted and bearing fruit for years to come. I’m now opening the cover of my new book…

Peace out, Trout!

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