My word what a past couple days.
I have not been in a blog writing mood. I couldn’t wrap my head around everything I’m juggling to put my thoughts into words. That’s just life. It’s reality. Any one of us could easily look up and say, “Why me, Lord?”. Instead, I remind myself to look up and say, “You got this, Lord?” I do it as a question because I know I have to turn it over to God.
The nice thing about blogs is they are your personal entry into what your heart and brain speak. Sometimes I cannot get them to shut up!
On Friday my dear brother, Jim, received news of his cancer being in different spots of his body. Dang it. He truly has gone through hell with the radiation, but still going strong in spirit. I admire him because when others would have easily thrown in the towel, Jim keeps persevering forward.
The stupid calendar reminds me on Monday that my other brother, Chubs, will be gone 12 years. That is just hard to believe. No matter how long time has passed, it still feels like yesterday he was here.
I miss Chubs. Any time I see a cardinal, I immediately think of him. I truly feel he comes to me in that form. Chubs loved Louisville Cardinals, St. Louis Cardinals, and anything cardinals. When I was heading to Jim’s doctor’s appointment on Friday, a vibrant red cardinal sat on a bush at the light by me. I sent Jim a message and said I felt that was a good sign. I think Chubs let me know he was with us at the appointment. Even if the appointment wasn’t what we wanted, or even expected, my heart felt good knowing Chubs was there with us. I would bet Moma was right there with him.
I never stop grieving the loss of my brother. I never stop missing him. I shouldn’t. I love and miss him terribly. Plus…he’s in Heaven with my mom. The jealousy is strong! How unfair is that!! ha. (I have to find humor in it somewhere)
Toughest thing about life is we are not in control. All we can do is tackle any obstacle that comes our way. Give it to God because He is truly the one in control. Please send positive energy and prayers to Jim. He really needs them right now. No time for negativity in his life!
I keep looking up to my brother and mom in Heaven knowing they are watching over me. I keep giving it all to God. I keep praying for my brother, Jim, who is an amazing warrior in his fight against cancer.
Today’s blog is a tad different from my others, but that’s okay because it’s mine. 🙂 I’ll end this blog with a friend’s favorite scripture (who is also fighting cancer )
Peace Out, Trout