Letting Go

Are we hours away from 2020 being over? Can we say “Hindsight 20/20” and really mean it? I’m over this year. This will be my final post till 2021. If I were a betting woman, I would bet 100 out of 100 people would say they are over this year, as well. How could a year affect everyone? Typically in relationships (married, significant others, friendships, etc.), when one is down, the other is up to create a perfect balance. However, this year has beaten all folks to the ground. Most times I just wanted to lay down and grovel. I wanted someone to just lay with me for a minute or two.

I didn’t grovel for long. I made a decision. I’m done! Checking out. Letting go.

Growing up Pentecostal, my mom never let me cut my hair until my teenage years. I have the finest of fine hairs. When Toni Basil came out with “Oh Mickey” song, everyone would sing it to me. I kept saying Toni spelled my name wrong. I think Toni was referring to my hair when she sang “Oh ‘Micki’, you’re so fine”. (I crack myself up!)

My mom always complained how stringy my hair would be if it wasn’t brushed. She would always be on me to brush my hair. Now, brushing my super fine hair to keep from looking stringy was a double-edged sword. It would activate all the oils in my hair. By the end of the day my hair would look like an oil slick. Do I want stringy hair or oily hair? (I still battle this today with my hair)

In 2015, I cut all my hair off for the second time in my life. The first time was 2011. When my mom saw my hair in her dementia state, she touched it and complimented it, but said she missed my longer hair.

I knew I was going to let my hair grow back. And I did. I didn’t cut my hair after January 2015. My hair didn’t grow super fast, but my mom would always stroke my hair during the process.

In the Bible, we know of Samson and Delilah. Samson’s strength was in his hair. Why is so much valued in hair? It’s just hair.

My hairdresser would ask me every December if I was going to cut my hair in January. January was when I would make my change for the new year. Every December I would turn him down.

My hair was long, but when I looked at the back in the mirror, I could hear my mom telling me to go brush it because it was stringy.

This December I walked into my hairdresser and told him I had a Christmas present. I had to give it to him right there before I changed my mind. He asked if I wanted my ponytail, as if I’m a big girl now. Umm..yes!

I came home and measured my ponytail. I was shocked to find out 10 inches was cut. However, newborns are born with more hair than Walid cut. My ponytail wasn’t even a 1/4″ thick.

After the initial cut, I felt lighter. Once it was dried and styled, I felt like a new person. I’ve had this cut before, but why was it different this time? Did my hair carry strength like Samson? I think the decision to cut my hair was more than just removing all the stringy locks. I feel cutting my hair was letting go of this year. I feel opposite of Samson. Stronger! I’m going to enter 2021 lighter. I need to have a lighter heart and a lighter mind. (And we always want a lighter body, but that’s another whole battle to tackle)

I’m ready to put 2020 behind me, but I’ll look back to recall moments. Moments are memories. This year was full of good and bad moments. I have learned from the bad and I will forever cherish the good.

I’ll end this blog with my new ‘do. Don’t be afraid to let go. Take the initiative to make the changes.

Peace out, Trout!

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