I woke up crying and still crying…and it’s not even noon yet. I decided to jump out for a run before 9 am. Sun was shining and my heart craved that Vitamin D.

When I run, I listen to a live country station out of Nashville. Of course, I know it’s Father’s Day. DJ was talking about memories of his own dad. I love sharing memories of my dad. And then a song was played and the tears began pouring. Holly Dunn’s “Daddy’s Hands” came on. Ever since this song came out in the 80s, I always said it reminded me of my sweet (but firm) daddy. I remember my daddy’s hands. I watched them age. I watched how gentle he became over the years. How much I miss those hands right now. In his last hours, I laid my head on his belly and he stroked my face and my hair. He told me how much he loved me.

Before I brought him home with me, Daddy was done and ready to go to Heaven. He held so tightly with his hands onto my one begging me to pray for Jesus to call him Home. I stood there crying because I couldn’t make it happen, but I also knew at that moment I was going to do everything in my power to get him there.

At my last goodbye, when he could no longer take my hand, I laid my hand upon his as he held firm to his Bible. I needed to feel his touch one last time.

I was glad when the song was finished because it was hard to see through my tears.

I love running in the heat and sweating out toxins. There weren’t very many neighbors out. I wondered if they were preparing for a Father’s Day Celebration.

I carried my dad through my entire run, as I carry him at all times. Today was different. I felt zoned out through most of the run. I never walked and for the temps and humidity, I’m extremely happy with my time. I’m not fast, but I’m being consistent. For that, I’m happy!

At the end of my run and in true Cubbies’ Sammy Sosa fashion, I blew a kiss from my lips and heart to my dad in Heaven! I know you’re wrapping your hands around my heart right now.

Tomorrow my first Father’s Day without a father will be behind me.

Life sucks. Simple as that.

Peace Out, Trout!